This is it.

Update Coming soon!

2009-06-26T11:41:00.002-04:00

For the Lord is good
I will lift Him higher
Everywhere I go I will
Lift Him Higher
Higher Higher Higher...
Higher...
Everywhere I go I will
Lift Him up Higher

-African Hymn I learned in Kenya

Oe last update

2009-06-11T12:10:00.003-04:00

SO you all know about my preparations for my trip to Kenya. I leave on Sunday, June 14th. I get back on the 25th. By the 30th I will post pictures and a journal I kept while there. I am taking this time to let you in on other parts of my life, as there are a few things you might not know.

I received a 4-year type two Air Force ROTC Scholarship. Praise the Lord! What that means is, The Air Force is giving me $87,000 to pay for classes, tuition, etc. It does not cover room and board, however, Elon has agreed to pay for it because I got the scholarship. I will also get a monthly stipend of $350 starting in October. On Thursdays I will commute to NC A&T to take a military science class to fulfill my duties to maintain the scholarship. After I graduate, I owe four years of service to the Air Force. In my opinion, that's a fair trade. God is so great, He has really provided for me. He is so faithful and true, I definitely do NOT deserve His grace.

Graduation is tomorrow! I almost forgot to include that bit of information. High School has flown by for me, and I can hardly believe I will never Step foot on CHS as a student again.

I finally found a summer job. I am the smoothie girl at Woodall's Fitness off of Highway 42E. I start after I return From Africa. Come by and buy a smoothie from me:)

I move in to Elon on August 28th, and classes begin on the 1st. I am still undecided on a major, but that's OK, this means I can explore!I find out my rooming assignment as well as who my roommate is on July 1st. Pray that we will be able to have a good relationship and that God will be Glorified in it. I don't know who she is, so she could be a christian, or perhaps she is not. Either way, I will share my faith with her so pray for courage.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support! I can't wait to tell you all about Africa and how these next few months work out.

I couldn't resist

2009-06-11T11:56:00.005-04:00

I was mainly using this blog to update you on kenya and things, but I could help myself, this is just too cute to pass up!

2009-06-10T08:29:00.003-04:00

Some last minute money came in and so my real total is

$2,653

In one week I will be in Kenya!

Final Preparations

2009-06-09T12:35:00.003-04:00

My total financial support is:

$2, 353!

Praise the Lord! My original goal was about $2,000. After flight plans changed, it got raised to $2,400. I am heading to Colonial Baptist Church to pay the remaining $47 on Wednesday. God has really answered my prayer on this. I didn't expect to get nearly this much support, Praise The Lord! and a BIG thank you to all of you for you prayers and support! I am so thankful for each and every one of you. Thank you to Cornerstone Faith Fellowship and The Underground, for praying for me and allowing me to share with you guys! To my family and Friends: Thank you so much for everything, all of your prayers, wishes, and thoughts. I love you! To my Colonial Family: thank you for always asking about how the trip is going and how you can help! you guys are so dear to my heart, and I love you guys!

2009-05-30T10:18:00.002-04:00

Preparations for Kenya are going well. Praie the Lord! I have almost all of my financial support, hopefully I can give you an estimate by Tuesday. Thank you so much for your prayers. I have faith that God will answer them. I want to give you a little more insight into what we are going to be doing while we are over there. (I will give exact flight times hopefully be Monday) We will be flying out of raliegh on the 14th. from RDU we will stop in Dulles in Washington, DC. We will then head across theAtlantic and land in London. we will have a 12 hour layover there, and we will get to travel into the city and explore for a bit! That evening we will be heading out to Nairobi, where we will take a 6 hour van ride to Choimim. Origionally, we were going to spend the night in Nairobi. However, due to the Flight change, we will not be staying in Nairobi.

We will be doing many things in Choimim. Our trip leader, Damon davenport, will have us in several schools doing different activities for the children. we will be doing story telling, games, soccer, and dancing. I will be helping out with soccer games, ad I am helping with the dancing team as well. I will get to work with the choir there, and teach them dancing movements to songs. I am so excited about that. Of all people, I never imagined me teaching through dance! When we will not be working with the kids, we will be painting, taking shifts at the hospital and orphanage, and visiting with the locals.

I cant believe I am only two weeks away from leaving! Please pray that my passport and visa come in. Those have been obstacles lately, and I need them in soon! Pray that my team is safe while we are there, and pray for the people we come into contact with while on the trip. God is so mighty, I just know that great things are going to happen! Thank you for everything you are doing, Praise the Lord!

Kenya!

2009-04-07T19:00:00.005-04:00

OK, so I promised I would give some details about Kenya, so here goes...

Facts about Kenya: Kenya is located in Eastern Africa, and It borders 5 countries, including Somalia, Ethiopia, Uganda, Sudan, and Tanzania. It also stretches out to the coast of the Indian Ocean. Kenya was liberated from The British in 1963, and it hosts 39 million people and over 46 tribal groups, each with their own language/dialect. However, sice it was a british colony, most people in Kenya do speak English. It has big cities and small rural villages, not unlike here. In Nairobi, you can find buildings, eat at restaurants, and even buy diamond rings. However, most of the Country is rural. Chomin, the place where we are staying, as a small village, and everyone lives in small huts. A major "crop" is tea, and i hear it is very good, if served hot. I forgot to mention that i will onlly be allowed to bring a small bookbag with everything for the trip. Damon, our team leader, is going to teach us the fine art of washing cloths the old fashioned way:)

While there, I will be working in the school, in the orphanage, and in the hospital. Along with painting and other needed jobs, i will be working a lot with the kids. This is probably my favorite part of anticipating the trip. It will be so cool to interact with these kids, to play soccer with them ( I have a feeling they are going to kick my butt) , to sing and dance with them, and just serve them.

You may be thinking, Well, Ashton this is all great, but why in the world do you want to go to africa and do all of this? The biggest reason is Matthew 28:19: "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of The Father and The Son and of The Holy Spirit."
God command us to GO! and now He has given me a divine oppurtunityto go and to make disciples in Kenya. Praise the Lord! Also, this will be a great time to see if perhaps, this is the kind of place God wants me to be someday. And maybe I will go and He will reveal a different path for me to take for the rest of my life. But maybe Africa really is where He wants me someday. I have surrendered it completely to Him.

I am going to need a lot of prayer before as well as during the trip. Your prayers are vital to the success of this trip. Pray for my team and I. Pray that The Lord will prepare our hearts and minds as we embark on the trip. Pray for the people we will be ministering to, That God will soften their hearts and that we will be able to connect with them. Most importantly, Pray for God's will to be done. There are many practical needs for this trip. First, I have to raise about $2,000 to go. Pray that the funds will come in. Please pray for our safety and our health as well. I know it is kind of an obvious need that you might not think about, but please, do pray for that. We will be much more effective if we are healthy.

As our training continues, I will put updates on here, as well as any praise repots or prayer requests. thank you so much for your prayers!you guys are vital to our success.

"! tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain..."
(Mark 11:23)

Updates Cont'd

2009-04-06T21:45:00.003-04:00

** this blog is quite sloppy, just warning you! Just a couple of quick updates for those of you who have been praying for me!

The future is drawing ever nearer and now, thankfully, a bit clearer(rhyme?). In June, the 14th to be exact, I will be flying into Nairobi Kenya, and from there I will be taking a 6 hour van ride to a rural village called Chomin. I still have to get my shots for that trip, yes! We will be going during the rainy season. There are 16 of us on the team, and I believe I am one of the youngest to go on the trip. While there, we will be working in the orphanage, school, and hospital. Yesterday was our first official team meeting, and in the middle of the meeting, it hit me. I am traveling to Kenya. Africa. it is for real. More on Kenya later.

I am going to Elon University this fall. In fact, in a couple of weeks I will be at freshman orientation!I am waiting on the air force Scholarship (4-17-09) to let me know. I still don't know what I want to do. But I mean, What an answer to prayer all of this has been! Thank you so much for praying for me, it is so encouraging to see the power of prayer throughout this entire process! Well, more on this later too.

As for what's been going on in the present, this semester has been such a blessing. It has been a pretty easy load. I am in a musical this spring, Once upon a mattress. and it's about the old nursery rhyme the princess and the pea. I am the evil queen aggravain. Ha! you should come-it is May 14, 15,16th at the high school. Come and see me being an evil scheming diva.
I am reading Matthew. I am in chapter 3 now, and I am learning about John the baptist. I am recertifying my CPR so I can be a lifeguard this summer.

and that is all for now. More details to come, I promise:)

2009-02-27T22:26:00.002-05:00

I got a full ride Navy ROTC scholarship to UNC chapel hill. Except I can't use it because I didn't get in to UNC.

Ironic?

2009-02-02T19:44:00.001-05:00

Blood poured out, body torn
Rusty nails, crown of thorns
Awesome love held you on my tree

Swollen face, thirsty cries
Pounding blows, lonely sighs
Awesome love held You on my tree

Only you are worthy to receive all I can give,
Only you are worthy to be the reason why I live,
Only you are worthy to be the object of my praise,
With a thankful heart my empty hands I raise...

Sin-crushed heart, broken soul
Blood-shot eyes, God-shaped hole
Awesome love held you on my tree
Awesome love holds me on my knees

"Awesome Love "
by Jason Holdbridge

In Case You were Wondering...

2009-02-02T17:24:00.001-05:00

...I got into The University of Hawaii. Rachel, we can just dream about actually going there. :)

...

Let's read us some Oswold Chambers

2009-01-28T20:32:00.003-05:00

My Utmost for His Highest

January 28th, 2009

How Could someone so Persecute Jesus

Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? —Acts 26:14

Are you determined to have your own way in living for God? We will never be free from this trap until we are brought into the experience of the baptism of "the Holy Spirit and fire" (Matthew 3:11). Stubbornness and self-will will always stab Jesus Christ. It may hurt no one else, but it wounds His Spirit. Whenever we are obstinate and self-willed and set on our own ambitions, we are hurting Jesus. Every time we stand on our own rights and insist that this is what we intend to do, we are persecuting Him. Whenever we rely on self-respect, we systematically disturb and grieve His Spirit. And when we finally understand that it is Jesus we have been persecuting all this time, it is the most crushing revelation ever.

Is the Word of God tremendously penetrating and sharp in me as I hand it on to you, or does my life betray the things I profess to teach? I may teach sanctification and yet exhibit the spirit of Satan, the very spirit that persecutes Jesus Christ. The Spirit of Jesus is conscious of only one thing— a perfect oneness with the Father. And He tells us, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:29 ). All I do should be based on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly. This will mean that others may use me, go around me, or completely ignore me, but if I will submit to it for His sake, I will prevent Jesus Christ from being persecuted.

Are my own ambitions concerning my college plans getting in the way of God's will? I feel like these past few days (mind you, i only started reading a few days ago) These passages have been written directly to me! Pray that I will lay my ambitions at Christs feet and surrender it.

2009-01-27T19:13:00.002-05:00

So my mom and Corey and I went to the mall today. I got my pageant/prom dress!

wild, isn't it? so unless the Pageant director doesn't approve of it then this is the one I will be wearing :)

Pros and cons

2009-01-26T19:34:00.002-05:00

OK, so I am debating between Gardner-Webb and Elon University. I tend to make better choices when I mak pro/con lists, so here goes:

Elon

Pros:

Wide range of majors
Pretty campus
Christian groups on campus
amazing food (4 different eating halls with everything form Buffets to greek food to delis)
nice dorm rooms
wide array of area churches
Lots of intramural sports
a ballroom dancing club
excellent work out facilities
everything i need (salons, stores, walmart) all within a 5 mile radius
1 1/2 hours away from home
25 minutes away from friends at UNC and UNCG
1 hour away from Corey at liberty
several singing groups
koppertops (volunteer organization that focuses on therapeutic horseback riding)
habitat for humanity
60 different study abroad locations for me (including Kenya!)
adopt-a-grandparent!
low cost 24/7 clinic on campus
medium size classes with access to professors
tradition
great freshman programs
25 minute drive once a week to afrotc classes

Cons:

Not a christian school
expensive

Gardner-Webb

pros:

Christian SChool
Small, nice environment
lake
small class sizes
worship center on campus
everything in walkingdistance
boiling springs is a small, one stoplight town (literally)
Campus police on call, escort you to you dorms late at night, ride segways, kind
allwoed to have car all 4 years

Cons:

Small
low variety of majors/programs
not very good food
everybody knows everybody
feels kind of like high school
4 hours away from everybody
one stoplight town
not much to do on weekends
dorms not very good
1 hour drive once a week to afrotc classes

thats all for now. i may edit this later.

6 Reasons Christians must suffer

2009-01-26T18:54:00.002-05:00

Today as my dad was driving me home from the doctor's office, i picked up Anne of Avonlea, the sequel to Anne of Green Gables, and began to read. I got to chapter 4 when a piece of paper fell out of the novel and onto the floorboard. I bent over and retrieved the thin little flyer and examined it. it was just a little announcement sheet given to me at Colonial one sunday a few months ago, and I had written notes on a sermon on the back. Curious, i began to read the points that Pastor Aaron had made on the topic of suffering for Christ.

As I examined this little piece of paper, I began to realize that God has been teaching these things to me lately. Isn' that funny? When you look back on things that you've read before, or taken notes on, you realize they didn't affect you much at all at the time. And God has an interesting way of bringing them back to you at the exact time that you need to hear it. and a light bulb goes off in your head, and you think "oh, i get it."

Why Christians Must Suffer:

1. Suffering deepens faith and holiness.
I had jotted down two Bible verses beside the statement: Hebrews 5:8 and 12:10.
WHen we suffer as Christians, God works in us and we are able to grow. This reminds me of an illustration that Thomas used in a sermon. He explained that scientists tried to grow plants in a perfect greenhouse, where they weren't disturbed by wind, or drought, or animals. they were given the perfect amount of water at the precise time. The only problem was, because of the absence of wind, the roots had no chance to burow into the ground and the plants could not survive for long periods of time nor could they be taken out of the greenhouse without dying. The factors that made the plants suffer actually helped them grow and thrive.

2. Suffering llows us to test and purify our faith.
How can we test ourselves if we never are in a real situation outside the comfort of peace? Yes, when we have those mountaintop expieriences, it is great and it God gives us energy and strength, but we need to use that strength when we are faced with hardship and trials. Suffering gives us an oppurtunity to see what we need help with, what we need to work on. if we don't test ourselves, we grow blind to our faults and arrogant in our own ability, which leads to the third point.

3. We must suffer so we can stop relying on ourselves and start relying on God.
Suffering shows us how small we are and enables us to realize that we can't do it alone. It gives us the oppurtunity to surendur, truly surrender our rights and allow God to rescue us. It is so easy, while in a church setting, to surrender everything for Christ. It is so easy to lay everything at His feet when everything is going good. It is't until we suffer and lose everything that we can test our faith and rely on The one who Can rescue us.

4. Suffering affects and incerases our future joy.
Suffering allows us to grow in our relationship with God and increases our faith, so that whether the future holds happiness or sorrow, we can have joy. and even if we continue to expierience trials, we can "rejoice in harship" and praise God!

5. Suffering is what it takes to make others bold.
This is a big one. We often wonder why God puts us through certain trials, and why He makes us suffer so much. But how encouraging is it, when you are going through something difficult and agonizeing, to talk with someone who has been through it themselves? they help you with prayer, and practical advive that helped them out of similar situation. we all have a testimony that help certain perople. I can reach some people in a way that nobody else can because of my trials and how God has shaped my life. And you can reach people i could never reach by what God has done in your life. A wise man once told me that you never know the seeds you plant.

6. Suffering makes a sleeping church wake up and take risks for God.
I think this one speaks for itself.

Suffering is inevitable, and yes, it stinks. but it allows us the oppurtuniity to bring glory to God, though we may not recognize it at the time.

Updates

2008-12-18T16:38:00.003-05:00

Just a couple of updates:

I got accepted to Elon University. I haven't visited but it sounds like a great place to go, so I am excited to visit in the next couple of months. UNC will give me a decision on January 20th, so I am waiting on that as well.

Senior project is over. So pretty much, all of my hard work is over. This is thrilling to me.

I need you to pray for a couple of things, so please, stop right now and talk to God for a bit about these things.

My church in Cary is planning on going to Kenya in July. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go, but, I want to be lead there by the Holy Spirit, not out of selfish desire. Pray that I have an open and teachable heart these next couple of months, so that I can hear God's calling for this summer.

My friend Devin is in Algeria this week. He is planning on being a missionary there in as soon as a year from now. Pray that God will give Him discernment to scope out the land, and that he will be like Caleb and Joshua, that when he scouts out the land he can trust in the Lord for the work to be done. Also, pray that he will receive a visa if its God's will.

Just a couple of updates and prayer requests. Thanks guys :)

Help me

2008-12-15T19:58:00.002-05:00

O God
Hear my cry for help
I don't know what to do
I am so torn
what is wrong
what is the matter
I didn't think it was this
but it is
Do I take what they give me
Is it your will?
Should i have enough faith to cure this without it?
Don't remain silent to my pleas
I love you
You are bigger than this
Help me

I'm done

2008-12-15T19:50:00.001-05:00

with senior project!
it's over
over over
oovvveerrrr!
what a big weight off of my shoulders.
now i can calm down about my schoolwork.

....

Opposite Way by Leeland

2008-12-14T23:21:00.003-05:00

Living in the same town
for all these years
Doing the same old things
hanging with the same crowd
and it's starting to get crippling
you never felt in place
and you tell yourself it's all okay
but something's different today
you want to run the opposite way
and it seems like you're locked in a cage
and you need to find a way of escape
when everyone's setting the pace- it's okay to run the opposite way

and the Father sent his Son down
the Light of men
the cross he bore was crippling
rejected in His own town
and they couldn't see the Sun shining
He knelt in the garden and prayed
Father let this cup pass from me
It's not Your will for me to stay
Your will for me is the opposite way

and it seems like He was locked in a cage
and He couldn't find a way of escape
but through the cross He conquered the grave
my Jesus ran the opposite way

Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
Oh, He ran the other way
Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave
So you could run the opposite way

Indescribable

2008-12-13T19:45:00.003-05:00

did you see the sunset tonight?

It was bliss. The sweet yellow sky with ribbons of luscious reds and rosy pinks across the sky. Extraordinary blues and majestic purples and lavender clouds dancing across the horizon. Out of all of God's creation, the simplicity of a sunset is one of my most treasured. Its beauty cannot be captured, and if only I could paint a picture of it! But, to paint a picture would ruin its magnificence, for there aren't any paint colors that can match the beauty of the real thing. Oh, if they only lasted longer so I could stare at God's design just a little bit longer. But alas, then I wouldn't appreciate its wonder nearly enough. It capturs me with its stunning appeal. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up to see the glorius sunrise, only so I can praise the God that made it.

Throwing convenience out the window.

2008-12-11T21:04:00.003-05:00

can you picture it?

Jesus Christ is walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee. Its early morning time, with the sun just past the horizon, making its way up into the sky to shine on the earth for another day. He is walking along, not much to look at, really. In fact, he would probably walk right by without anyone noticing Him. It's an average day, you are on your way to the shore yourself, as you and your brother prepare for another days work, you two are fishermen, you see. You watch the sun slowly creep higher into the sky as you toil, gathering the nets to get them ready to be thrown into the sea. Perhaps today will be a good day, you think. Maybe it will bring an unexpected amount of fish, enough to pay for a few essential items that have been on your mind lately. You and your brother talk, conversing to pass the time as you go on about your day. You have a LOT of work to do. You start casting out your nets, eagerly hoping that fish will come. And then, so ever slightly, something grabs your attention. You see this man walking toward you and your brother. He calls the both or you to come and follow Him, and learn how to be fishers of men. You are not sure who he is at first, as you study him to conjure up a memory of why he would be calling for you. And then, suddenly, no-supernaturally, a light bulb goes off in your brain. This is they one they call Jesus.

I have been reading out of the book of Matthew this past week and a half. I am reading it slowly, and I am approaching with a completely different set of eyes. Thomas recommended that I read it and study it, and that is exactly what I am doing. It is amazing to see what God is teaching me through this book. His Word intrigues me, with an almost child-like fascination, and even though I want to read it all quickly, God in His glory is allowing me to read little by little and get things out of His word that I never have before. Take chapter 4, for example. After Jesus fasts for 40 days and 40 nights and is tempted by the devil, he left Nazareth and traveled to Galilee, where he began to preach. He told the people to repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near (vs. 17). Matthew writes that wherever Jesus went, crowds followed Him, and miraculous events took place, and people were healed of their diseases. I think that Simon Peter and Andrew had followed Him, too. I think that they followed Him in a limited sense. Whatever happened, what faith they must have had to leave their nets that day that he first called out to them. What stuck out to me is that they left their nets immediately (vs.22). They didn't clean up or put anything away. They didn't return home to prepare. They simply followed Jesus. It must have been rather inconvenient for them. They must have lost a lot of money an fish that day after they left their boat in the water with their ns intact. But instead of going about their day, and making a profit, they left everything behind them to follow the one whom they called Jesus. They threw convenience out the window, and went on the wildest ride of their life.

So, back to that day. There you are, speechless at the event that just took place. You look at your brother, and he peeks over at you, and for a moment no one speaks. The Bible says that they left everything they had and followed their Savior. What would you do?

Both Sides of the Fence

2008-11-03T20:30:00.006-05:00

"Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No. I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me and two against, or two in favor of me and three against." Luke 12:51

I never thought standing up for my faith would be so hard. I didn't think that over something so small, friendships would be tested, and quite possibly for the better? At first I thought that night I had lost friends. After things quieted, and friendships were (restored?), I realized this was only the beginning. I would probably never be invited to a party again. And strangely, I'm ok with that. Somehow, things just aren't the way they used to be. My priorities have changed. God is taking away everything that was once in competition with Him. I am radically different from how I used to be. Now, as these things are taken away, I am beginning to feel the sting of people hating me.

What do you think Jesus meant when he said that families would be split apart? I always thought, I could never hate my mom or dad. I mean, how could families, who are supposed to love each other no mater what, be against each other? But then God showed me families in a different way. These days, families all believe in different things. I know families where each member believes in a different God. But in Bible times, weren't entire families part of one religion? Wasn't a family either completely Jewish or completely Gentile? They all believed the same thing. Or they claimed to, at least. So, what if Jesus was talking about a bigger picture? What if all Christians (or people who call themselves Christians) families are going to be split apart? I think this is only the beginning of people hating me. And as crazy as it sounds, it really isn't as important to me anymore. Friendships are nothing compared to having an intimate relationship with my Savior.

All I want to do is leave everything at The Cross. I am learning that I can't serve two masters anymore; I can't sit on the fence and be content anymore. I have to choose one or the other, and I choose Jesus.

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

-Lines from "Lead me to the cross" by Hillsong

My Personal Statement for UNC

2008-11-03T17:01:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I told Amanda I would put my personal statement that I put on UNC' s application up here. I almost regret writing it. I mean, it was optional. However, it's too late to take it back. O well. The Only good part about it is that I found an opportunity to mention my relationship with Jesus.

p.s. An alternate title should have been, What was I thinking?!

My Name is Ashton Lynn Coats. Who am I …really? I am a hard worker. One of the hardest
Workers you’ll ever meet. I never give up, never quit, and never back down. I am outgoing. I am the daughter of two Air Force Veterans, and they have instilled in me self control and discipline. I am a girl, a person, a friend. Give me a chance, and I will show you what I am made of. UNC Chapel Hill can give me an education that I can take and change the world. Maybe I’ll be the president, or a schoolteacher, or an
astronaut. Maybe I’ll be a millionaire, or maybe I’ll be living in Kenya in a hut one day. The thing is, I don’t know what I am going to be when I grow up, but at UNC I can choose how to start. I am a quick learner, a quick adapter, and I am quick to help others. I have a heart, and Jesus Christ, my best friend, fills it up. I love sunflowers and soccer and pizza. You don’t know me, but you have the opportunity to. I will not let you down.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell you my heart, and attempt to describe myself on
paper.

ok, so i hope this gave you a good laugh. haha.
...
haha.

Is my ministry His?

2008-10-25T23:25:00.003-04:00

The other night i sat down and opened up my Bible. I should have blown the dust off the the top since i hadn't read in so long. I have no excuse. I've been running around and trying to justify the two minutes I would spend with Daddy before I rushed off to school in the morning by thinking that because I opened my Bible and read a few verses that that would satisfy my thirst for the day. Even though I never quite remembered what I had read each morning, if I read at all.

Lately I have been so concerned about my future. I have been so concerned about college, the military, my plans, my plans, my plans. I thought about what God may want me to do, where he planned me to be one day. I knew He wanted me to be in ministry, but I didn't (and still don't) know where when or how. And then I would desperately hope we had the same idea. How silly! I never checked His letter to me to see what He wanted me to know! So days and weeks went by with me thinking all by myself. And the other aspects of my life slowly started to get worse. School has been overwhelming, and that is never good. I started saying really stupid things that are NOT pleasing to God at all, and I said those things in the presence of people I am trying to share my faith with. Things have gone downhill, to say the least.

So last Tuesday I went to pick up Amanda for our girls Bible study we have been having. I told her my problems, and she pointed into Galatians.Amanda suggested that I read the whole thing, so I decided to start with that. It was only 6 chapters anyway, what did I have to lose?

so back to me opening my Bible. I happened to turn to the end of Galatians first. Before I flipped a couple of pages back to the beginning, something caught my eye. In my big, messy handwriting, I had written in it "is my Ministry HIS?" I must have written it a while ago, because I don't remember writing anything there. It struck me. I have been running around, thinking about how I could serve God, and only thinking about me at the same time. Funny, isn't it? I was missing the essential part of the equation. So I sat there, thinking about all of this, when I started to look at verses I had underlined in the past (mind you, they must have been underlined while I was listening to a sermon, not doing a personal study.). I had circled Galatians 5:16 "So i say, let The Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.the sinful nature wants to do evil, which is the opposite of what the Spirit wants." i also underlined Galatians 5:24 "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there." It hit me that I have been fulfilling My sinful nature's demands and not Gods. I have been trying to justify my own needs by thinking that I would serve God, and wasn't thinking that Serving God without God makes no sense. What can ever come but destruction for anyone who tries to fulfill their sinful nature?

So pray for me and that I will crucify my sinful natures to The Cross. I need Him right now.

Ash

Fall

2008-09-25T15:00:00.000-04:00

on a warm summer day many trees were planted

enough for an entire forest
all were evergreens except for one-an oak tree
a lone oak tree

over time the forest grew,
the oak tree and evergreens alike, lapping up the suns rays
however, there was a big drought, and a lot of the trees in the forest were weighed down with such worrisome leaves. the evergreen trees did not realize the weight however. they thought they could manage the weight all on their own.

the oak tree knew, though, that it needed to lose its leaves. it prayed that fall would come so that it could lose its burden.

come fall did. the oak tree's leaves began to fall off, one by one as fall worked its way into the core of the tree. soon, all of the leaves were gone and fall knew that the oak was ready for winter.

the others did not see things that way. they viewed fall as a death and they kept their leaves on. they always saw the leaves as life-without them how could they give shade?

but the oak tree knew- it know that it needed Fall to remove it's leaves in preparation for winter, and soon winter came too. every remnant of that long drought filled summer soon disappeared, and Oh, how refreshed was the oak tree! the evergreens were still blind to their burdens. they began to scoff at the oak tree and thought how foolish it was for the oak tree to give up its big leaves they called beautiful.

soon, however, another season arrived for the oak tree. fall and winter had done their work, and spring had finally come to give new life to it!big, beautiful buds formed on the oak tree as it began to grace the earth with new refreshing life. all of the other evergreens still had their same green leaves. and they began to hate the oak tree, but the oak tree had a much better relationship with the seasons than it did with the other trees. it soon had newer, greener leaves that it ever had in the past, and seeds too!

someday, the seeds would spread out all over the world and also grow to love the seasons. how great are the seasons for trees, if only all trees realized the power of Fall!

poser.

2008-09-20T10:52:00.000-04:00

I am so tired of faking it.

"How are you, Ashton?"
"I'm great, how are you?"

This is my life. i wake up, work out, go to school, go to tutoring (which is sad because it's only the third week of school and i am already behind), go to practice, rush home, take a shower, off to this or that with maybe a meal, rush home, do homework, and finally, retire to sleep. and amazingly enough, it's all good! everything is great. i know exactly what to say and how to act so i can fool everyone and hopefully myself that i am a-ok.

And then sunday comes... I'm ashamed because I havent been reading my Bible and getting close to my precious Savior all week. I finally found a family( church family) that truly loves me and wants to know how I am. They are the only ones I can share my true feelings with. The problem is, all week long i have grown colder and colder, and its hard to thaw out long enough to be real.

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

"stained glass masquerade"
casting crowns

O Mirror

2008-09-12T19:42:00.001-04:00

O mirror

Why do you look at me this way? Without any mercy or kindness.

Why do you focus only on my ugliness and forget about my beauty?

You have the worst way, O Mirror.

You never saw anything in me. I looked in you and couldn't find anything at all. Only a hole.

We didn't have a very friendly relationship with eacother did we?

I wanted to be your friend, but you mocked me.

I saw you every morning, and we came in contact quite frequently throughout the day.

I could not look at you without being miserable. Why do you hate me, O Mirror?Why do you have such a cold in your eye?

Will you not see that things have changed? Will you not see that the ugliness has been washed away?

I have a new face that Someone made me, and you will not let me see it.

I wonder why I look at you sometimes anyway. Why I focus on you so much at all anymore.

I should focus on The One who made my new face instead of gazing at a reflection of my old one.

Why can't you see that everything is different now? I am not tied down to you anymore, my chains have been set loose. Yet here I am, again, failing to focus above and sitting here staring at you. When will I realize it's not about you?