I am so tired of faking it.
"How are you, Ashton?"
"I'm great, how are you?"
This is my life. i wake up, work out, go to school, go to tutoring (which is sad because it's only the third week of school and i am already behind), go to practice, rush home, take a shower, off to this or that with maybe a meal, rush home, do homework, and finally, retire to sleep. and amazingly enough, it's all good! everything is great. i know exactly what to say and how to act so i can fool everyone and hopefully myself that i am a-ok.
And then sunday comes... I'm ashamed because I havent been reading my Bible and getting close to my precious Savior all week. I finally found a family( church family) that truly loves me and wants to know how I am. They are the only ones I can share my true feelings with. The problem is, all week long i have grown colder and colder, and its hard to thaw out long enough to be real.
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
"stained glass masquerade"
casting crowns
About Me
- Ashton Coats
- I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, and I like to sit and watch the credits of a really good movie.
2 comments:
ahh, girl, I know exactly how you feel. :/
I hate that conversation that says, "Hey how are you?" And then out of habit you say, "Good, hbu?" And they don't even answer! lol, it just prooves that it's just what we all say and if anyone were to hear a, "I'm doing absolutly positively horrible, how bout yourself?" they wouldn't know what to say.
I totally understand your feelings because there will be Sunday's where I come to church and I'm like, "Wow, I haven't really got into the Bible since Monday or even Sunday. I've fought with my sister every day this week and I feel like I'm losing grip on parts of my life. But no one else seems to be so I'm going to put on a happy face like everything is ok and I'm not going to rock anyone's world by telling them that life isn't that great at the moment.
So when people ask me how I'm doing I just answer with a "good, how about yourself?!?!" not expecting an answer back.
i feel you. i wish we could talk more throughout our days during the week. :/
Wow, you wake up early.
The fact that you are writing this shows that you are His, and even the slightest indication shatters the fake intentions that you've spent your time unconsciously building up. I'm not saying that it's OK because it's not--but God is working in your heart even when you say you are so far from Him. Just imagine how amazing it would be if you did make the decision to wake up earlier, to give up something that you "need" (when in reality you need nothing but God), and devote that time to serving Him, to growing in your relationship with Him! But wait.. don't imagine it-- make it happen! Pray about it, meditate on it, and He will show you what you need to do, how you need to organize your time, and how you can completely devote yourself to Him.
I love you, and I'm so glad that we're friends. We need to learn to be brutally honest with each other about stuff like this because in these situations, peer pressure is, in fact, a good thing.
I hope you're having fun at the state game and hopefully, I'll see you tonight.
&iispwayingferu(:
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