Is my ministry His?

The other night i sat down and opened up my Bible. I should have blown the dust off the the top since i hadn't read in so long. I have no excuse. I've been running around and trying to justify the two minutes I would spend with Daddy before I rushed off to school in the morning by thinking that because I opened my Bible and read a few verses that that would satisfy my thirst for the day. Even though I never quite remembered what I had read each morning, if I read at all.

Lately I have been so concerned about my future. I have been so concerned about college, the military, my plans, my plans, my plans. I thought about what God may want me to do, where he planned me to be one day. I knew He wanted me to be in ministry, but I didn't (and still don't) know where when or how. And then I would desperately hope we had the same idea. How silly! I never checked His letter to me to see what He wanted me to know! So days and weeks went by with me thinking all by myself. And the other aspects of my life slowly started to get worse. School has been overwhelming, and that is never good. I started saying really stupid things that are NOT pleasing to God at all, and I said those things in the presence of people I am trying to share my faith with. Things have gone downhill, to say the least.

So last Tuesday I went to pick up Amanda for our girls Bible study we have been having. I told her my problems, and she pointed into Galatians.Amanda suggested that I read the whole thing, so I decided to start with that. It was only 6 chapters anyway, what did I have to lose?

so back to me opening my Bible. I happened to turn to the end of Galatians first. Before I flipped a couple of pages back to the beginning, something caught my eye. In my big, messy handwriting, I had written in it "is my Ministry HIS?" I must have written it a while ago, because I don't remember writing anything there. It struck me. I have been running around, thinking about how I could serve God, and only thinking about me at the same time. Funny, isn't it? I was missing the essential part of the equation. So I sat there, thinking about all of this, when I started to look at verses I had underlined in the past (mind you, they must have been underlined while I was listening to a sermon, not doing a personal study.). I had circled Galatians 5:16 "So i say, let The Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.the sinful nature wants to do evil, which is the opposite of what the Spirit wants." i also underlined Galatians 5:24 "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there." It hit me that I have been fulfilling My sinful nature's demands and not Gods. I have been trying to justify my own needs by thinking that I would serve God, and wasn't thinking that Serving God without God makes no sense. What can ever come but destruction for anyone who tries to fulfill their sinful nature?

So pray for me and that I will crucify my sinful natures to The Cross. I need Him right now.

Ash