Just a couple of updates:
I got accepted to Elon University. I haven't visited but it sounds like a great place to go, so I am excited to visit in the next couple of months. UNC will give me a decision on January 20th, so I am waiting on that as well.
Senior project is over. So pretty much, all of my hard work is over. This is thrilling to me.
I need you to pray for a couple of things, so please, stop right now and talk to God for a bit about these things.
My church in Cary is planning on going to Kenya in July. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go, but, I want to be lead there by the Holy Spirit, not out of selfish desire. Pray that I have an open and teachable heart these next couple of months, so that I can hear God's calling for this summer.
My friend Devin is in Algeria this week. He is planning on being a missionary there in as soon as a year from now. Pray that God will give Him discernment to scope out the land, and that he will be like Caleb and Joshua, that when he scouts out the land he can trust in the Lord for the work to be done. Also, pray that he will receive a visa if its God's will.
Just a couple of updates and prayer requests. Thanks guys :)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Help me
O God
Hear my cry for help
I don't know what to do
I am so torn
what is wrong
what is the matter
I didn't think it was this
but it is
Do I take what they give me
Is it your will?
Should i have enough faith to cure this without it?
Don't remain silent to my pleas
I love you
You are bigger than this
Help me
Hear my cry for help
I don't know what to do
I am so torn
what is wrong
what is the matter
I didn't think it was this
but it is
Do I take what they give me
Is it your will?
Should i have enough faith to cure this without it?
Don't remain silent to my pleas
I love you
You are bigger than this
Help me
I'm done
with senior project!
it's over
over over
oovvveerrrr!
what a big weight off of my shoulders.
now i can calm down about my schoolwork.
....
it's over
over over
oovvveerrrr!
what a big weight off of my shoulders.
now i can calm down about my schoolwork.
....
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Opposite Way by Leeland
Living in the same town
for all these years
Doing the same old things
hanging with the same crowd
and it's starting to get crippling
you never felt in place
and you tell yourself it's all okay
but something's different today
you want to run the opposite way
and it seems like you're locked in a cage
and you need to find a way of escape
when everyone's setting the pace- it's okay to run the opposite way
and the Father sent his Son down
the Light of men
the cross he bore was crippling
rejected in His own town
and they couldn't see the Sun shining
He knelt in the garden and prayed
Father let this cup pass from me
It's not Your will for me to stay
Your will for me is the opposite way
and it seems like He was locked in a cage
and He couldn't find a way of escape
but through the cross He conquered the grave
my Jesus ran the opposite way
Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
Oh, He ran the other way
Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave
So you could run the opposite way
for all these years
Doing the same old things
hanging with the same crowd
and it's starting to get crippling
you never felt in place
and you tell yourself it's all okay
but something's different today
you want to run the opposite way
and it seems like you're locked in a cage
and you need to find a way of escape
when everyone's setting the pace- it's okay to run the opposite way
and the Father sent his Son down
the Light of men
the cross he bore was crippling
rejected in His own town
and they couldn't see the Sun shining
He knelt in the garden and prayed
Father let this cup pass from me
It's not Your will for me to stay
Your will for me is the opposite way
and it seems like He was locked in a cage
and He couldn't find a way of escape
but through the cross He conquered the grave
my Jesus ran the opposite way
Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
Oh, He ran the other way
Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave
So you could run the opposite way
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Indescribable
did you see the sunset tonight?
It was bliss. The sweet yellow sky with ribbons of luscious reds and rosy pinks across the sky. Extraordinary blues and majestic purples and lavender clouds dancing across the horizon. Out of all of God's creation, the simplicity of a sunset is one of my most treasured. Its beauty cannot be captured, and if only I could paint a picture of it! But, to paint a picture would ruin its magnificence, for there aren't any paint colors that can match the beauty of the real thing. Oh, if they only lasted longer so I could stare at God's design just a little bit longer. But alas, then I wouldn't appreciate its wonder nearly enough. It capturs me with its stunning appeal. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up to see the glorius sunrise, only so I can praise the God that made it.
It was bliss. The sweet yellow sky with ribbons of luscious reds and rosy pinks across the sky. Extraordinary blues and majestic purples and lavender clouds dancing across the horizon. Out of all of God's creation, the simplicity of a sunset is one of my most treasured. Its beauty cannot be captured, and if only I could paint a picture of it! But, to paint a picture would ruin its magnificence, for there aren't any paint colors that can match the beauty of the real thing. Oh, if they only lasted longer so I could stare at God's design just a little bit longer. But alas, then I wouldn't appreciate its wonder nearly enough. It capturs me with its stunning appeal. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up to see the glorius sunrise, only so I can praise the God that made it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Throwing convenience out the window.
can you picture it?
Jesus Christ is walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee. Its early morning time, with the sun just past the horizon, making its way up into the sky to shine on the earth for another day. He is walking along, not much to look at, really. In fact, he would probably walk right by without anyone noticing Him. It's an average day, you are on your way to the shore yourself, as you and your brother prepare for another days work, you two are fishermen, you see. You watch the sun slowly creep higher into the sky as you toil, gathering the nets to get them ready to be thrown into the sea. Perhaps today will be a good day, you think. Maybe it will bring an unexpected amount of fish, enough to pay for a few essential items that have been on your mind lately. You and your brother talk, conversing to pass the time as you go on about your day. You have a LOT of work to do. You start casting out your nets, eagerly hoping that fish will come. And then, so ever slightly, something grabs your attention. You see this man walking toward you and your brother. He calls the both or you to come and follow Him, and learn how to be fishers of men. You are not sure who he is at first, as you study him to conjure up a memory of why he would be calling for you. And then, suddenly, no-supernaturally, a light bulb goes off in your brain. This is they one they call Jesus.
I have been reading out of the book of Matthew this past week and a half. I am reading it slowly, and I am approaching with a completely different set of eyes. Thomas recommended that I read it and study it, and that is exactly what I am doing. It is amazing to see what God is teaching me through this book. His Word intrigues me, with an almost child-like fascination, and even though I want to read it all quickly, God in His glory is allowing me to read little by little and get things out of His word that I never have before. Take chapter 4, for example. After Jesus fasts for 40 days and 40 nights and is tempted by the devil, he left Nazareth and traveled to Galilee, where he began to preach. He told the people to repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near (vs. 17). Matthew writes that wherever Jesus went, crowds followed Him, and miraculous events took place, and people were healed of their diseases. I think that Simon Peter and Andrew had followed Him, too. I think that they followed Him in a limited sense. Whatever happened, what faith they must have had to leave their nets that day that he first called out to them. What stuck out to me is that they left their nets immediately (vs.22). They didn't clean up or put anything away. They didn't return home to prepare. They simply followed Jesus. It must have been rather inconvenient for them. They must have lost a lot of money an fish that day after they left their boat in the water with their ns intact. But instead of going about their day, and making a profit, they left everything behind them to follow the one whom they called Jesus. They threw convenience out the window, and went on the wildest ride of their life.
So, back to that day. There you are, speechless at the event that just took place. You look at your brother, and he peeks over at you, and for a moment no one speaks. The Bible says that they left everything they had and followed their Savior. What would you do?
Jesus Christ is walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee. Its early morning time, with the sun just past the horizon, making its way up into the sky to shine on the earth for another day. He is walking along, not much to look at, really. In fact, he would probably walk right by without anyone noticing Him. It's an average day, you are on your way to the shore yourself, as you and your brother prepare for another days work, you two are fishermen, you see. You watch the sun slowly creep higher into the sky as you toil, gathering the nets to get them ready to be thrown into the sea. Perhaps today will be a good day, you think. Maybe it will bring an unexpected amount of fish, enough to pay for a few essential items that have been on your mind lately. You and your brother talk, conversing to pass the time as you go on about your day. You have a LOT of work to do. You start casting out your nets, eagerly hoping that fish will come. And then, so ever slightly, something grabs your attention. You see this man walking toward you and your brother. He calls the both or you to come and follow Him, and learn how to be fishers of men. You are not sure who he is at first, as you study him to conjure up a memory of why he would be calling for you. And then, suddenly, no-supernaturally, a light bulb goes off in your brain. This is they one they call Jesus.
I have been reading out of the book of Matthew this past week and a half. I am reading it slowly, and I am approaching with a completely different set of eyes. Thomas recommended that I read it and study it, and that is exactly what I am doing. It is amazing to see what God is teaching me through this book. His Word intrigues me, with an almost child-like fascination, and even though I want to read it all quickly, God in His glory is allowing me to read little by little and get things out of His word that I never have before. Take chapter 4, for example. After Jesus fasts for 40 days and 40 nights and is tempted by the devil, he left Nazareth and traveled to Galilee, where he began to preach. He told the people to repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near (vs. 17). Matthew writes that wherever Jesus went, crowds followed Him, and miraculous events took place, and people were healed of their diseases. I think that Simon Peter and Andrew had followed Him, too. I think that they followed Him in a limited sense. Whatever happened, what faith they must have had to leave their nets that day that he first called out to them. What stuck out to me is that they left their nets immediately (vs.22). They didn't clean up or put anything away. They didn't return home to prepare. They simply followed Jesus. It must have been rather inconvenient for them. They must have lost a lot of money an fish that day after they left their boat in the water with their ns intact. But instead of going about their day, and making a profit, they left everything behind them to follow the one whom they called Jesus. They threw convenience out the window, and went on the wildest ride of their life.
So, back to that day. There you are, speechless at the event that just took place. You look at your brother, and he peeks over at you, and for a moment no one speaks. The Bible says that they left everything they had and followed their Savior. What would you do?
Monday, November 3, 2008
Both Sides of the Fence
"Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No. I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me and two against, or two in favor of me and three against." Luke 12:51
I never thought standing up for my faith would be so hard. I didn't think that over something so small, friendships would be tested, and quite possibly for the better? At first I thought that night I had lost friends. After things quieted, and friendships were (restored?), I realized this was only the beginning. I would probably never be invited to a party again. And strangely, I'm ok with that. Somehow, things just aren't the way they used to be. My priorities have changed. God is taking away everything that was once in competition with Him. I am radically different from how I used to be. Now, as these things are taken away, I am beginning to feel the sting of people hating me.
What do you think Jesus meant when he said that families would be split apart? I always thought, I could never hate my mom or dad. I mean, how could families, who are supposed to love each other no mater what, be against each other? But then God showed me families in a different way. These days, families all believe in different things. I know families where each member believes in a different God. But in Bible times, weren't entire families part of one religion? Wasn't a family either completely Jewish or completely Gentile? They all believed the same thing. Or they claimed to, at least. So, what if Jesus was talking about a bigger picture? What if all Christians (or people who call themselves Christians) families are going to be split apart? I think this is only the beginning of people hating me. And as crazy as it sounds, it really isn't as important to me anymore. Friendships are nothing compared to having an intimate relationship with my Savior.
All I want to do is leave everything at The Cross. I am learning that I can't serve two masters anymore; I can't sit on the fence and be content anymore. I have to choose one or the other, and I choose Jesus.
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
-Lines from "Lead me to the cross" by Hillsong
I never thought standing up for my faith would be so hard. I didn't think that over something so small, friendships would be tested, and quite possibly for the better? At first I thought that night I had lost friends. After things quieted, and friendships were (restored?), I realized this was only the beginning. I would probably never be invited to a party again. And strangely, I'm ok with that. Somehow, things just aren't the way they used to be. My priorities have changed. God is taking away everything that was once in competition with Him. I am radically different from how I used to be. Now, as these things are taken away, I am beginning to feel the sting of people hating me.
What do you think Jesus meant when he said that families would be split apart? I always thought, I could never hate my mom or dad. I mean, how could families, who are supposed to love each other no mater what, be against each other? But then God showed me families in a different way. These days, families all believe in different things. I know families where each member believes in a different God. But in Bible times, weren't entire families part of one religion? Wasn't a family either completely Jewish or completely Gentile? They all believed the same thing. Or they claimed to, at least. So, what if Jesus was talking about a bigger picture? What if all Christians (or people who call themselves Christians) families are going to be split apart? I think this is only the beginning of people hating me. And as crazy as it sounds, it really isn't as important to me anymore. Friendships are nothing compared to having an intimate relationship with my Savior.
All I want to do is leave everything at The Cross. I am learning that I can't serve two masters anymore; I can't sit on the fence and be content anymore. I have to choose one or the other, and I choose Jesus.
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
-Lines from "Lead me to the cross" by Hillsong
My Personal Statement for UNC
Ok, so I told Amanda I would put my personal statement that I put on UNC' s application up here. I almost regret writing it. I mean, it was optional. However, it's too late to take it back. O well. The Only good part about it is that I found an opportunity to mention my relationship with Jesus.
p.s. An alternate title should have been, What was I thinking?!
My Name is Ashton Lynn Coats. Who am I …really? I am a hard worker. One of the hardest
Workers you’ll ever meet. I never give up, never quit, and never back down. I am outgoing. I am the daughter of two Air Force Veterans, and they have instilled in me self control and discipline. I am a girl, a person, a friend. Give me a chance, and I will show you what I am made of. UNC Chapel Hill can give me an education that I can take and change the world. Maybe I’ll be the president, or a schoolteacher, or an
astronaut. Maybe I’ll be a millionaire, or maybe I’ll be living in Kenya in a hut one day. The thing is, I don’t know what I am going to be when I grow up, but at UNC I can choose how to start. I am a quick learner, a quick adapter, and I am quick to help others. I have a heart, and Jesus Christ, my best friend, fills it up. I love sunflowers and soccer and pizza. You don’t know me, but you have the opportunity to. I will not let you down.
Thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell you my heart, and attempt to describe myself on
paper.
ok, so i hope this gave you a good laugh. haha.
...
haha.
p.s. An alternate title should have been, What was I thinking?!
My Name is Ashton Lynn Coats. Who am I …really? I am a hard worker. One of the hardest
Workers you’ll ever meet. I never give up, never quit, and never back down. I am outgoing. I am the daughter of two Air Force Veterans, and they have instilled in me self control and discipline. I am a girl, a person, a friend. Give me a chance, and I will show you what I am made of. UNC Chapel Hill can give me an education that I can take and change the world. Maybe I’ll be the president, or a schoolteacher, or an
astronaut. Maybe I’ll be a millionaire, or maybe I’ll be living in Kenya in a hut one day. The thing is, I don’t know what I am going to be when I grow up, but at UNC I can choose how to start. I am a quick learner, a quick adapter, and I am quick to help others. I have a heart, and Jesus Christ, my best friend, fills it up. I love sunflowers and soccer and pizza. You don’t know me, but you have the opportunity to. I will not let you down.
Thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell you my heart, and attempt to describe myself on
paper.
ok, so i hope this gave you a good laugh. haha.
...
haha.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Is my ministry His?
The other night i sat down and opened up my Bible. I should have blown the dust off the the top since i hadn't read in so long. I have no excuse. I've been running around and trying to justify the two minutes I would spend with Daddy before I rushed off to school in the morning by thinking that because I opened my Bible and read a few verses that that would satisfy my thirst for the day. Even though I never quite remembered what I had read each morning, if I read at all.
Lately I have been so concerned about my future. I have been so concerned about college, the military, my plans, my plans, my plans. I thought about what God may want me to do, where he planned me to be one day. I knew He wanted me to be in ministry, but I didn't (and still don't) know where when or how. And then I would desperately hope we had the same idea. How silly! I never checked His letter to me to see what He wanted me to know! So days and weeks went by with me thinking all by myself. And the other aspects of my life slowly started to get worse. School has been overwhelming, and that is never good. I started saying really stupid things that are NOT pleasing to God at all, and I said those things in the presence of people I am trying to share my faith with. Things have gone downhill, to say the least.
So last Tuesday I went to pick up Amanda for our girls Bible study we have been having. I told her my problems, and she pointed into Galatians.Amanda suggested that I read the whole thing, so I decided to start with that. It was only 6 chapters anyway, what did I have to lose?
so back to me opening my Bible. I happened to turn to the end of Galatians first. Before I flipped a couple of pages back to the beginning, something caught my eye. In my big, messy handwriting, I had written in it "is my Ministry HIS?" I must have written it a while ago, because I don't remember writing anything there. It struck me. I have been running around, thinking about how I could serve God, and only thinking about me at the same time. Funny, isn't it? I was missing the essential part of the equation. So I sat there, thinking about all of this, when I started to look at verses I had underlined in the past (mind you, they must have been underlined while I was listening to a sermon, not doing a personal study.). I had circled Galatians 5:16 "So i say, let The Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.the sinful nature wants to do evil, which is the opposite of what the Spirit wants." i also underlined Galatians 5:24 "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there." It hit me that I have been fulfilling My sinful nature's demands and not Gods. I have been trying to justify my own needs by thinking that I would serve God, and wasn't thinking that Serving God without God makes no sense. What can ever come but destruction for anyone who tries to fulfill their sinful nature?
So pray for me and that I will crucify my sinful natures to The Cross. I need Him right now.
Ash
Lately I have been so concerned about my future. I have been so concerned about college, the military, my plans, my plans, my plans. I thought about what God may want me to do, where he planned me to be one day. I knew He wanted me to be in ministry, but I didn't (and still don't) know where when or how. And then I would desperately hope we had the same idea. How silly! I never checked His letter to me to see what He wanted me to know! So days and weeks went by with me thinking all by myself. And the other aspects of my life slowly started to get worse. School has been overwhelming, and that is never good. I started saying really stupid things that are NOT pleasing to God at all, and I said those things in the presence of people I am trying to share my faith with. Things have gone downhill, to say the least.
So last Tuesday I went to pick up Amanda for our girls Bible study we have been having. I told her my problems, and she pointed into Galatians.Amanda suggested that I read the whole thing, so I decided to start with that. It was only 6 chapters anyway, what did I have to lose?
so back to me opening my Bible. I happened to turn to the end of Galatians first. Before I flipped a couple of pages back to the beginning, something caught my eye. In my big, messy handwriting, I had written in it "is my Ministry HIS?" I must have written it a while ago, because I don't remember writing anything there. It struck me. I have been running around, thinking about how I could serve God, and only thinking about me at the same time. Funny, isn't it? I was missing the essential part of the equation. So I sat there, thinking about all of this, when I started to look at verses I had underlined in the past (mind you, they must have been underlined while I was listening to a sermon, not doing a personal study.). I had circled Galatians 5:16 "So i say, let The Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.the sinful nature wants to do evil, which is the opposite of what the Spirit wants." i also underlined Galatians 5:24 "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there." It hit me that I have been fulfilling My sinful nature's demands and not Gods. I have been trying to justify my own needs by thinking that I would serve God, and wasn't thinking that Serving God without God makes no sense. What can ever come but destruction for anyone who tries to fulfill their sinful nature?
So pray for me and that I will crucify my sinful natures to The Cross. I need Him right now.
Ash
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Fall
on a warm summer day many trees were plantedenough for an entire forest
all were evergreens except for one-an oak tree
a lone oak tree
over time the forest grew,
the oak tree and evergreens alike, lapping up the suns rays
however, there was a big drought, and a lot of the trees in the forest were weighed down with such worrisome leaves. the evergreen trees did not realize the weight however. they thought they could manage the weight all on their own.
the oak tree knew, though, that it needed to lose its leaves. it prayed that fall would come so that it could lose its burden.
come fall did. the oak tree's leaves began to fall off, one by one as fall worked its way into the core of the tree. soon, all of the leaves were gone and fall knew that the oak was ready for winter.
the others did not see things that way. they viewed fall as a death and they kept their leaves on. they always saw the leaves as life-without them how could they give shade?
but the oak tree knew- it know that it needed Fall to remove it's leaves in preparation for winter, and soon winter came too. every remnant of that long drought filled summer soon disappeared, and Oh, how refreshed was the oak tree! the evergreens were still blind to their burdens. they began to scoff at the oak tree and thought how foolish it was for the oak tree to give up its big leaves they called beautiful.
soon, however, another season arrived for the oak tree. fall and winter had done their work, and spring had finally come to give new life to it!big, beautiful buds formed on the oak tree as it began to grace the earth with new refreshing life. all of the other evergreens still had their same green leaves. and they began to hate the oak tree, but the oak tree had a much better relationship with the seasons than it did with the other trees. it soon had newer, greener leaves that it ever had in the past, and seeds too!
someday, the seeds would spread out all over the world and also grow to love the seasons. how great are the seasons for trees, if only all trees realized the power of Fall!
all were evergreens except for one-an oak tree
a lone oak tree
over time the forest grew,
the oak tree and evergreens alike, lapping up the suns rays
however, there was a big drought, and a lot of the trees in the forest were weighed down with such worrisome leaves. the evergreen trees did not realize the weight however. they thought they could manage the weight all on their own.
the oak tree knew, though, that it needed to lose its leaves. it prayed that fall would come so that it could lose its burden.
come fall did. the oak tree's leaves began to fall off, one by one as fall worked its way into the core of the tree. soon, all of the leaves were gone and fall knew that the oak was ready for winter.
the others did not see things that way. they viewed fall as a death and they kept their leaves on. they always saw the leaves as life-without them how could they give shade?
but the oak tree knew- it know that it needed Fall to remove it's leaves in preparation for winter, and soon winter came too. every remnant of that long drought filled summer soon disappeared, and Oh, how refreshed was the oak tree! the evergreens were still blind to their burdens. they began to scoff at the oak tree and thought how foolish it was for the oak tree to give up its big leaves they called beautiful.
soon, however, another season arrived for the oak tree. fall and winter had done their work, and spring had finally come to give new life to it!big, beautiful buds formed on the oak tree as it began to grace the earth with new refreshing life. all of the other evergreens still had their same green leaves. and they began to hate the oak tree, but the oak tree had a much better relationship with the seasons than it did with the other trees. it soon had newer, greener leaves that it ever had in the past, and seeds too!
 |
someday, the seeds would spread out all over the world and also grow to love the seasons. how great are the seasons for trees, if only all trees realized the power of Fall!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
poser.
I am so tired of faking it.
"How are you, Ashton?"
"I'm great, how are you?"
This is my life. i wake up, work out, go to school, go to tutoring (which is sad because it's only the third week of school and i am already behind), go to practice, rush home, take a shower, off to this or that with maybe a meal, rush home, do homework, and finally, retire to sleep. and amazingly enough, it's all good! everything is great. i know exactly what to say and how to act so i can fool everyone and hopefully myself that i am a-ok.
And then sunday comes... I'm ashamed because I havent been reading my Bible and getting close to my precious Savior all week. I finally found a family( church family) that truly loves me and wants to know how I am. They are the only ones I can share my true feelings with. The problem is, all week long i have grown colder and colder, and its hard to thaw out long enough to be real.
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
"stained glass masquerade"
casting crowns
"How are you, Ashton?"
"I'm great, how are you?"
This is my life. i wake up, work out, go to school, go to tutoring (which is sad because it's only the third week of school and i am already behind), go to practice, rush home, take a shower, off to this or that with maybe a meal, rush home, do homework, and finally, retire to sleep. and amazingly enough, it's all good! everything is great. i know exactly what to say and how to act so i can fool everyone and hopefully myself that i am a-ok.
And then sunday comes... I'm ashamed because I havent been reading my Bible and getting close to my precious Savior all week. I finally found a family( church family) that truly loves me and wants to know how I am. They are the only ones I can share my true feelings with. The problem is, all week long i have grown colder and colder, and its hard to thaw out long enough to be real.
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
"stained glass masquerade"
casting crowns
Friday, September 12, 2008
O Mirror
O mirror
Why do you look at me this way? Without any mercy or kindness.
Why do you focus only on my ugliness and forget about my beauty?
You have the worst way, O Mirror.
You never saw anything in me. I looked in you and couldn't find anything at all. Only a hole.
We didn't have a very friendly relationship with eacother did we?
I wanted to be your friend, but you mocked me.
I saw you every morning, and we came in contact quite frequently throughout the day.
I could not look at you without being miserable. Why do you hate me, O Mirror?Why do you have such a cold in your eye?
Will you not see that things have changed? Will you not see that the ugliness has been washed away?
I have a new face that Someone made me, and you will not let me see it.
I wonder why I look at you sometimes anyway. Why I focus on you so much at all anymore.
I should focus on The One who made my new face instead of gazing at a reflection of my old one.
Why can't you see that everything is different now? I am not tied down to you anymore, my chains have been set loose. Yet here I am, again, failing to focus above and sitting here staring at you. When will I realize it's not about you?
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